Stories from the Trenches

Why did I write my next book?

Why did I move from Historical novels about ww2 London to wars between the generations in a Rom com about a single 50 year old woman of Nigerian parentage and Aunties trying to status shame her?

I wanted to talk about the elephant in the room when it comes to single women especially Christians. Especially Nigerian Christians or African Christians.

Aunties be like…

Where is your husband?

Why are you not married?

You are too choosy. What is wrong with you?

Your mates are married …

How do you protect Your Confidence as a Single Woman in a World That Questions It

There’s a quiet strength in walking your own path—especially when that path doesn’t follow the script others expect. As a single woman, you may find yourself on the receiving end of unsolicited advice, pitying glances, or even outright judgment. But here’s the truth: your worth is not up for debate.

Whether you’re thriving in your career, nurturing your creativity, or simply enjoying your own company, your life is not a placeholder. It’s a masterpiece in progress.

Here’s how you can protect your self-confidence and self-esteem, even when the world tries to chip away at it:

🧭 1. Redefine the Narrative

Being single isn’t a deficiency—it’s a declaration. A declaration of independence, of self-awareness, of choosing presence over pressure. You are not waiting to be chosen. You are choosing yourself, every day.

> “I am not incomplete. I am whole enough to recognise mismatches, red flags and narcs.”

🧠 2. Anchor Your Identity in Your Values

Your identity is not your relationship status. It’s your purpose, your passions, your principles. It’s the stories you tell, the lives you touch, the legacy you’re building.

Ask yourself: What do I want to be remembered for?

🛡️ 3. Build a Confidence Shield

When people project their fears or expectations onto you, remember: that’s about them, not you. Their discomfort with your independence is not your burden to carry.

“Their opinion is not my truth.”

💬 4. Curate Your Circle

Surround yourself with people who see your wholeness, not your “missing pieces.” Find or create communities that celebrate your journey—whether that’s through writing groups, sisterhood circles, or solo travel forums. The aunties in my new book mean well - most of the time but their constant need to compare Sade with her married friends is crossing boundaries and rude at best. Their pressure is really their issue. Try not to take it on board. Any relationship issues that might ensue from you following their ‘advice’ are your own business - as a ‘whole big adult’ who was not forced to marry the guy. Their words when you take your problems to them afterwards.

5. Practice looking after yourself

Confidence isn’t about never feeling doubt—it’s about not letting doubt define you. On the hard days, be gentle with yourself. Go out, travel, read books, watch films and make new friends.

6. Speak Your Truth—Unapologetically

Whether in your writing, your workshops, or your everyday conversations, use your voice to challenge the narrative. The more we speak up, the more we make space for others to do the same.

💌 Final Thought

You are not behind. You are not lacking. You are not waiting.

You are becoming all that you were meant to be —and that is a journey worth celebrating.

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Excerpt from The Marriage Monitoring Aunties Association out next week 11 July. Yay!

A few years after Mark, I met Timi. Timi was very outspoken and ebullient. On our first date his form of small talk was to ask me whether I could speak Yoruba and whether I knew how to make Moi-Moi during the first course.

I just stared at him.

‘Sorry?”

Timi smiled as if he was explaining something to a child. “Moi Moi. Bean cake is my favourite. I need the woman I marry to be able to cook and cook well. And from your accent – you sound British. I need a wife that can speak my language well.”

I shook my head because I knew that this was not going to work out. My Yoruba is rudimentary. While I can cook Moi- Moi and am happy to celebrate my British and Yoruba selves. To me they complement each other, and I do not need any man that wants me to redesign myself like something out of Changing Rooms to find me more appealing.

I am too old for that.

“Can’t you cook?” I challenged.

He laughed. “I see it – you are one of these people?”

“Which people?”

“These feminists.”

I gave him a killer stare. “The fact that I said it wouldn’t be bad if a guy knows his way around the kitchen doesn’t make me a feminist.” Mate.

Then he cleared his throat as if trying to get this part of the date over and done with. “I hope you don’t mind, but how old are you?”

“Forty-one”

“Wow,” he said his eyes rolling out of his head. “Omo. You are very well-preserved o. Innitt?”

Reviews *****

Readers are loving The Marriage Monitoring Aunties’ Association!!

'No Ordinary Love story…Sade's journey will strike a chord — and the nerve — of anyone who's done time in the singleton trenches.’ Chioma Okereke, author of Water Baby

'Sade’s story made me laugh, made me ache, and made me proud. Pick it up if you’re in the mood for a feel-good, soul-touching story with Nigerian aunties, romance, and plenty of wahala.'

'So funny and flirty!!'

'It made me laugh, reflect, and cheer for a protagonist who chose herself and her values, even when it was hard.'

'As soon as I saw the title, I knew it was going to be a good read and it didn't disappoint!'

'If you’re looking for a closed-door, later-in-life love story that’s culturally rich, faith-forward, and full of Nigerian aunties with plenty of opinions (and drama), this one’s well worth picking up. A soulful, engaging read with just the right amount of wahala.'

'I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and I loved how Nigerian it made me feel. It was all so relatable and the characters were both comical and annoying in a good way.'

'A fresh, fun, and heartwarming read'

'I know so little about Nigerian culture and loved learning new words and about the food and clothing and will be keeping an eye out for more books by Ola Awonubi.'

'I love this book so much'

'A warm, witty and refreshingly grown-up story about love, family and the pressures of cultural expectations. This is a heartfelt and engaging read, full of charm and relatable moments.'

'I absolutely loved this book. I’m a 36 yr old Christian, 1st gen Nigerian in the USA, single woman and I don’t think I’ve ever related to a story more.'

'That’s what I appreciated most about this story: it’s romantic, yes, but it’s also deeply grounded in self-respect, boundaries, and community.'

'Ola Awonubi delivers a witty, heartfelt, and refreshingly mature take on the search for love, faith, and fulfilment within the complexities of Nigerian culture and expectations.'

'I really loved this book! I can't wait to explore more works by this author!'

'Sade is such a departure from typical characters in contemporary books – she is a very successful Black woman who is 50.'

The Marriage Monitoring Aunties Association is due for publication by One More Chapter Books, Harper Collins on 11 July. Currently available on Kindle, paperback and Audible for pre -order.

When Ola Awonubi is not marking herself safe from Nigerian Aunties she is writing, enjoying the British summer while it lasts and writing her next book. You can check out her other books on Author Central here